Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Naked in Body and Soul

“We were together. I forgot the rest.” ~ Walt Whitman

You helped me see myself when I was visibile to everyone, but invisible to myself. 


There was something you recognized beneath all the false identities I had. So many , that even I didn't know who I was anymore. 
You made me smile from my soul for the first time in a very long time, not because you gave me something, but simply because your presence made me feel joy and made me desire to live.
And it came naturally for you. It was in that moment I began to fall.
In the beginning, we were chaos and fire.
We rubbed each other and seemed to trigger one another; it was almost as if we were destined to only show each others wounds.
Yet, even then there was a little voice who told me to run and another louder one that told me that "this is not all. the real stuff will show when the wounds are healed."
So I dove into the pain. 
I dove into my soul searching for every scar that frightened me so; for every wound that you triggered I suffered a lot and came back for more for I knew. 
I always knew that beyond all this there will stand the woman ready for love, ready for the nurturing love that I was created for.
I always knew you'll hurt me.
Since our first fight. And I always knew that this will be such a great lesson that will set me free from my demons.
There was a reason that I never said goodbye to you. And it is not because I didn't have the courage to leave. I could  see why you came into my life in the first place.
When we find someone who, even as unlikely as it seems, is a part of us, then there isn’t any way to really leave them behind.
You burned me. You set fire to the life that I had become comfortable with. You held up a mirror and it hurt me to see what reflected back.
There was nothing about your presence that would let me stay sleeping in this life. The life I have created was not serving me anymore. I needed to be broken in order to break the walls, in order to reveal my true self. 
 We danced in and out of intimacy and friendship, yet all along we were beautifully growing.
I am not the woman you met a year ago anymore. 
I wasn't the woman you knew for so many times in our story. And you were not the same man. With every pain, we grew. We became more. And I always craved for more. 
You saw me;and I saw you. As you were, with all your flaws. With all your scars. And perhaps  I still see you, even when you don't see yourself.
And when we kissed that first time, I think I forgot my own name.
You touched me like I always needed someone to, and even when it wasn’t all I wanted, somehow it still ended up being enough.
I was okay with that. I was okay with your walls. I was ok with your fears, because I knew that if we have the strength to go through this, in the end we'll shine like diamonds. 
I accepted that, because I  accepted you for who you were.
I loved you because I loved what I could read into your eyes. 
That was your gift for me. 
That is the most precious gift you gave me: the stories of fear and pain, the love you could not accept to feel, the care you hugged me into, the touch of your hands when you wanted just to feel my skin, but most of all, the look in your eyes when you looked at me wondering if I am the one, wondering if my face is what you want to see for the rest of your life. And all this time, your hesitation didn't scare me. 
Because I could see in your eyes what you couldn't say, what you couldn't even allow yourself to see. 
But things change, as they often do.
The walls fell down.
I was no longer scared of losing you, because I figured that if you were still here in my life, then it was because of a reason, and so gradually and slowly I began to show you who I really am.
I did it in pieces and bits, while my heart was racing, wondering if it would be too much. All my life I was told that I am too much to handle.
But it never was, the only thing that happened is that with each word, each conversation, I began to forget about anyone else that wasn’t you.
Through midnight conversations about life and God, I suddenly realized that this was what I had needed all along, but I just never expected that someone could understand the inner fights of my mind.
But you did.
The more I revealed, the more released I felt. The more you revealed, the more I wanted.
Even now, it’s a painful reality that hits me, bringing tears to my eyes—the belief that I could probably sit with you each evening, and never get tired of talking to you, never get tired of feeling your embrace. Just like that. Nothing more.
It’s a knowing that no one else will ever be you.
At some point through our fantasies and passion, something changed, my heart opened up and even though it was so hard I couldn't find any reasons why in the end of all of this it shouldn’t be you. 
You never knew my struggles with this. You always thought that I was ready. But I wasn't. I fought my demons and my fears every day, learning to stand by your side unconditionally. And it was hard. But it was worth it. It was my Jihad. But I won the battle.
The reality is that even though the words of love have so rarely passed your lips, no other man has ever made me feel more loved than you.
It’s interesting how that can occur, and maybe there’s a truth to what we feel rather than what we hear.
But in the end, you left.
Not really though, but just enough for me to feel your absence. Just enough for me to feel the emptiness in my soul when you’re not next to me, because whether I wanted it to feel that way or not, something about you being here with me always me made more complete.More whole.
And now I know that we really were "the ones". 
The problem was the lens through which we saw it. 
My heart knows now that I was made to nurture you and to be protected by your love. The problem is that as I stopped searching for the one and grew into being myself the right one, you stopped searching for love and healing and searched instead for confort and patterns.
You stopped trying to be the one for your woman and started searching for the woman.
“What we want is someone to be naked with, not only in body but in soul.” ~ J. Iron Word

Thursday, 22 September 2016

Da-te din calea Universului !



Zi de zi incerc sa nu anticipez sau sa am asteptari si sa ma las suprinsa de tot ce imi  ofera viata.
O tactica destul de ciudata pentru unii, insa pentru mine este o dovada de incredere in faptul ca Universul imi va dezvalui la timpul potrivit ceea ce trebuie sa stiu.
Ce rost ar avea sa fortez lucrurile ?!

O poveste destul de cunoscuta despre graba asta care ne cuprinde pe toti uneori  este cea a fluturelui care a fost ajutat sa iasa din coconul sau inainte de vreme si nu a mai putut sa isi urmeze menirea.

,,A fost odată o omidă care într-o zi s-a gândit că ar fi timpul să îşi facă un cocon pentru a deveni un fluture frumos, s-a învelit în mătase albă şi peste câteva zile bune i-au crescut aripile.  Pentru că omida devenise un fluture mare și frumos şi nu mai avea suficient loc în coconul său, a început să îl spargă pentru a ieși.

Un om văzu din întâmplare coconul şi se opri să-l studieze. Prin mica lui gaură, acesta observă un fluture care se străduia să iasă. Rămase multe ore lângă cocon urmărind fluturele care părea că se află pe punctul de a abandona, fără să poată ieşi prin gaura care rămânea mereu la fel de mică. 

Omul decise atunci să ajute fluturele. Luă un cuţit, deschise coconul şi fluturele ieşi nestingherit. Totuşi, trupul lui era slab şi amorţit, iar aripile fragile și chircite abia se mişcau. Omul continuă să-l observe, spunându-şi că aripile fluturelui se vor deschide dintr-o clipă în alta şi că acesta va putea zbura. 
Dar nu se întâmplă nimic! Fluturele îşi petrecu restul vieţii târându-se pe pământ, cu trupul lui slab şi aripile inerte. Niciodată el n-a putut să zboare.’’

Gandindu-te la istorioara asta , cred ca intelegi ce efect de domino are o actiune cat de mica, menita sa preintampine viitorul.

Stiu ca astazi toata lumea citeste horoscopul, cauta semne oriunde si vrem sa aflam macar un indiciu despre ce va urma.
Dorinta de a avea control asupra a ceea ce nu exista insa, este cel putin irationala. Cum ai putea sa schimbi ce nu s-a materializat inca ? Ce logica are asta ?
Cand va fi timpul, lucrurile se vor forma dupa ceea ce gandesti si simti. Ceea ce crezi tu ca vei schimba , nu e o rocada isteata sau o lovitura sub centura pe care i-o dai vietii.
E doar crearea unui viitor izvorat din teama si din neputinta de a accepta si a nu te atasa de rezultate egocentrice.

Pare ciudat ce spun ? Hai sa analizam putin.

Daca ar fi sa ai un plan de bataie pentru urmatorii 5 ani din viata ta, dar horoscopul iti spune ca urmeaza  sa te lupti cu o perioada potrivnica si ca nimic nu pare sa iti iasa, care crezi ca sunt sansele sa consideri ca nu vei reusi ?

Daca visezi lucruri marete, aproape imposibile si iei fiecare pas pe rand, investind incredere si energie, cat de mari sunt sansele sa le indeplinesti ?

Daca ai o prima discutie contradictorie cu perechea ta si te repezi sa iti verifici compatibilitatea astrologica, descoperind astfel ca nu sunteti perfecti impreuna, care crezi ca sunt sansele sa mai investesti in aceasta persoana 100% ?

Destule exemple, asa e !?

Omul din povestea noastra este la fel ca aceasta anticipare a viitorului.
Cand te grabesti sa intampini neprevazutul  prevazandu-l, intervii in cursul natural al lucrurilor dintr-o dorinta egoista de a manipula viitorul in avantajul tau.
Nu doar ca e impotriva firii, dar te privezi singur/a de bucuria neasteptatului.

Ai rabdare. Nu te grabi.

Lasa lucrurile sa te surprinda. Lasa-te prins in acest joc al vietii, traieste cu pasiune si curiozitate.
Si daca vreodata simti ca ai tendinta sa arunci o ,,privire dupa colt’’ intreaba-te cata incredere ai in Creatorul tau.

Monday, 19 September 2016

Povestea nu se incheie azi!







Nu poti mereu alege pe ce drum o vei lua si ce incercari iti va aduce viata in fata. 
Si nici nu poti sa spui ca renunti, pentru ca nu iti plac regulile jocului.


Dar mereu poti sa alegi cum sa te simti in raport cu ceea ce iti doresti si cum vei trece prin asta.

Trecutul nu te defineste, intamplarile zilnice nu te definesc. 

Nu permite sa fii ghidat de regrete sau prejudecati. 
Poate este ceva ce ai fi putut face altfel. Sau poate nu. 
Oricum ar fi , timpul nu il mai poti intoarce. Cursul vietii nu poate fi schimbat in trecut. Dar poti alege sa il schimbi ACUM.


Parerile de rau sau resentimentele sunt pentru oamenii care nu invata lectia, iar esecul este cu adevarat esec abia atunci cand renunti la a mai incerca sa-ti gasesti sensul vietii. 

Povestea nu se incheie pana nu decizi tu ca se incheie.


Puterea este in mainile tale oricand ai nevoie .Tu pui virgula si punct in viata ta oricand iti doresti.


Gandeste-te bine si atunci cand totul o ia pe un drum gresit, nu te pierde pe tine odata cu el.
Pastreaza-ti inima deschisa pe drumul potrivit tie, nu pentru drumul pe care il aleg altii in locul tau .


Opreste-te. Respira profund cat mai des si spune-ti cu incredere ca indiferent cate batalii pierzi azi, razboiul nu s-a terminat. Uneori chiar daca aparent pierzi o lupta inveti cum sa fii un bun strateg, sa-ti gestionezi gandurile si emotiile in batalia urmatoare. 
Nu in ziua de ieri sta succesul tau. Ci in atitudinea de ACUM.


Nu de ceilalti depinde drumul tau. Ci de decizia ta : daca ii lasi pe altii la carma vaporului tau sau preiei conducerea.


Puterea este in interiorul tau, in inima ta.Nu o vei gasi niciodata in alta parte in exterior.


Si niciodata nu vei sti cat de puternic esti, pana cand nu vei prelua controlul si iti vei asuma in totalitate resposabilitatea pentru viata ta . 
Doar atunci vei descoperi cine esti, acceptand ce esti, ce trebuie sa schimbi, ce nu-ti mai foloseste si pe cine vrei sa ai alaturi in evolutia ta.

Daca totusi vrei sa ai un partener de drum, ma gasesti aici, pe blog sau pe FB: Babylonia.