Skip to main content

Stories of a Recovering Heart

 I have always flirted with the idea of unconditionaly giving pieces of my heart. Although, sometimes it didn't seem to be such a great idea (especially for my friends, who had to pick up my broken pieces after this).
 But the idea of offering simple but deep, declared and conscious emotions was such a hype.
 And I am not talking now about sex, but about a deep, profound diving into my soul, wich was so strong and natural, that not every person I have met could take it.

So, little by little, I closed my heart, without even realising it.

 Little by little, I stopped being the caring and loving woman, the childish woman who laughed carefree and I began borrowing pieces from the closed souls of the ones that touched my heart.

 Being a masculine woman (i know, it's a very weird term),  no one could hurt me anymore, no one could see through me anymore. No one could touch me.
  And I always had a role ready to play:perfect girlfriend, perfect seductive, perfect friend, perfect listener, perfect company for a crazy night-out.

No more natural, feminine me.
Just a pose of a happy, independent, and needs-free woman.
The perfect girl to take home until you realised she's empty.
No needs, no weaknesses, but no feelings too.
By losing the joy of consciously giving myself away,  I lost myself too.

 For a while, this was such a blast. No pain, no fuzz, just fulfilled needs and pretended hugs.
Later though, it wasn't enough anymore. 

 Although so free to do and be whatever I wanted, I began to talk more and more of my need of freedom. The woman inside me would rebell and cry out for help. She decided she had enough. 
Long later I understood that the availability of a woman to abandon herself to a man is the expression of a strong link with the primordial femininity and especially with sensitivity and intuition which define femininity.
 To release the woman inside me I had to be able again to trust someone not only with my body, but with my heart and mind, too.
It is a sort of an assumed: "Do what you feel with me, as I trust in you  and I trust myself I can manage this."

  And than...everything changed. I met you.  And through you I met my feminine side again. It was a full of emotions, shy meeting. I am still reaching to this with reservation, but joyful. I feel sometimes terrified, but most of the times blessed. It is like looking into a mirror and watching a completely different me, a long forgotten me. And the new and old me are developing a strong , loving relationship quickly.
 I am relaxed and open now to what you have to offer, I accept you and myself and the feelings that are growing inside me. I am prepared to meet you half way, to see you in all your good and bad moments and cherish your sincerity and vulnerability as well as your strength.

But most of all, I am prepared to unleash the love that resides in me with no shame and no expectations.


Popular posts from this blog

Scrisoare catre fiul meu care nu va citi aceste randuri

Dragul meu,

stiu ca in ochii tai nu am fost mama perfecta.
Desi am facut tot ce am putut, mereu a ramas ceva ce putea fi mai bine facut, ceva ce ai fi avut nevoie si eu nu mi-am dat seama.

Dinainte sa te nasti, noi doi am fost prieteni.
Iti povesteam seara in timp ce priveam stelele tot ce am vazut, toate emotiile mele, cum e lumea in care vei veni. Iti spunea cat de bine ne vom intelege noi si ca vom fi bine. Ca orice s-ar intampla, noi ne avem unul pe altul si vom reusi impreuna sa trecem prin orice.
Si chiar asa a fost.
Iti citeam Sorell si fiul si am sperat din tot sufletul ca voi fi un parinte macar pe jumatate la fel de bun ca Sorell.
Poate am reusit sau poate nu. Doar tu stii asta.
Noi, mamele, mereu avem senzatia ca nu am facut tot ce trebuia. Dar poate tie ti-a fost de ajuns.

Stiu ca acum esti suparat ca te-am pedepsit luandu-ti laptopul. Si probabil tu crezi ca sunt nedreapta.
Si eu am crezut asta despre bunicii tai.
Dar cand vei mai creste, vei intelege ca parintii cauta s…

6 Lovely Lessons from The Little Prince , The Best Book of my Childhood

When I first read this book, I was a kid and I immediately fell in love with it.  The lessons it taught me have allowed me to open my eyes and heart, taught me to see things with in their real light and educated my mind and soul. Every time I 've read The Little Prince, I've taken different meanings from it depending on where I was in my life. I feel like I would be influencing the true nature of the quotes by writing my thoughts next to them. Each one is subjective, the whole book is subjective, so everyone will resonate with it differently, depending on their own unique life experience. These are just a few, but some of my very favourite quotes from the book. ~ “It is only with the heart that one can see clearly.
What is essential is invisible to the eye.”

“Then you shall judge yourself,” answered the king. “That is the most difficult thing of all. It is far more difficult to judge oneself than to judge others. If you succeed in judging yourself rightly, then indeed you are very w…

What if I can do it ? What if you can do it , too ?

There's a beautiful lesson in the journey of life, the choices we make , the people we meet. Over the past few months, a shift has occurred, and instead of looking outside and trying to make things happen, I said, “I’m over it!” I'm done trying to be someone I'm not. Instead, I’ve embraced myself as I am in this moment and i decided that there are things i should be done with.
So ,here are some things i've decided and totally made me happy .

I’m done with hiding who I am because I'm afraid I won’t fit in.

I'm done saying ,,yes,, when i want to say ,,no,,.

 I’m done with second-guessing myself and pretending I care about things I don’t.

 I'm done with thinking I'm not where I should be. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.And i am not afraid to move , to leave my confort zone.

 I'm done with trying to prove anything to anyone. The only thing that matters is my relationship with myself. Approval starts with me.

 I'm done with thinking I need to …