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Stop Pretending You Are Ok and Cry Your Pain Out


           ' I do believe that if you haven't learnt about sadness, you cannot appreciate happiness.'   
~ Nana Mouskouri

I' ve had some hard times lately, I must admit. I had to take some moments off to cool down some too hot emotions, or sometimes to ask for help to shake the heavy sadness that slowly covered me.

And because I desperately needed venting, I cried. A lot.
I cried so much that my loved one couldn't take the pressure of not being able to calm me no more.

So, I got to think about this for a while.
We are so afraid to feel sad, that we keep on telling ourselves that everything will be alright even when it's not.
We are so desperate not to feel the pain that we force ourselves into being 'happy' even when the smile is so, so much a disguise.

Why? Why do we do this to ourselves?

We need to cry. Cry our hearts out,  cry so loud that our shoulders shake. We need to release the pressure, otherwise our minds will blow.
I know you might have been taught as a kid that crying is bad, especially if you were a boy, but please forget this.
Do allow yourself to cry whenever you feel so. It will make you feel better.

And please don't feel ashamed.
So many people run to the bathroom when they do it and apologise.
Why? Why, my dear, do you feel the need to do this?

Crying is human.
We all do it.
We did it since we were born.
It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you are alive!
Allow yourself to feel the pain. Then surround yourself with love. Be proud of your open heart.
Take care of your body, drink plenty of water and ask for hugs.
It is OK. You are OK. There is nothing wrong with you.

Judith Orloff, MD wrote in her book, Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life, that  there are 3 kinds of tears: reflex tears which allow your eyes to clear out noxious particles when they’re irritated by smoke or exhaust, continuous tears  which are produced regularly to keep our eyes lubricated and emotional tears which have special health benefits.

Biochemist and “tear expert”, Dr. William Frey, discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying.

After studying the composition of tears, Dr. Frey found that emotional tears shed these hormones and other toxins which accumulate during stress.

Additional studies also suggest that crying stimulates the production of endorphins, our body’s natural pain killer and “feel-good” hormones.”

In addition to physical detoxification, emotional tears heal the heart. You don’t want to hold tears back.
It is good to cry. It is healthy to cry. This helps to emotionally clear sadness and stress. Crying is also essential to resolve grief, when waves of tears periodically come over us after we experience a loss.

Tears help us process the loss so we can keep living with open hearts.

Otherwise, we are a set up for depression.
You just have to acknowledge them, because the secret is that feeling sad makes you feel better afterwards.

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Scrisoare catre fiul meu care nu va citi aceste randuri

Dragul meu,

stiu ca in ochii tai nu am fost mama perfecta.
Desi am facut tot ce am putut, mereu a ramas ceva ce putea fi mai bine facut, ceva ce ai fi avut nevoie si eu nu mi-am dat seama.

Dinainte sa te nasti, noi doi am fost prieteni.
Iti povesteam seara in timp ce priveam stelele tot ce am vazut, toate emotiile mele, cum e lumea in care vei veni. Iti spunea cat de bine ne vom intelege noi si ca vom fi bine. Ca orice s-ar intampla, noi ne avem unul pe altul si vom reusi impreuna sa trecem prin orice.
Si chiar asa a fost.
Iti citeam Sorell si fiul si am sperat din tot sufletul ca voi fi un parinte macar pe jumatate la fel de bun ca Sorell.
Poate am reusit sau poate nu. Doar tu stii asta.
Noi, mamele, mereu avem senzatia ca nu am facut tot ce trebuia. Dar poate tie ti-a fost de ajuns.

Stiu ca acum esti suparat ca te-am pedepsit luandu-ti laptopul. Si probabil tu crezi ca sunt nedreapta.
Si eu am crezut asta despre bunicii tai.
Dar cand vei mai creste, vei intelege ca parintii cauta s…

Daca ti-as spune ca poti avea totul, ai fi dispus sa platesti pretul?

,,nimic in viata nu este gratuit''.

E o vorba din batrani. Stiu ei ce stiu !

Gandindu-ma la asta mi-au venit in minte toate intamplarile cand am simtit ca pentru a ajunge la ceea ce imi doresc era necesar sa ma decid ce sunt dispusa sa ofer Universului in schimb.

Asa cum Phoenix trebuie sa arda intai, pentru a renaste din propria cenusa, la fel si eu a trebuit sa renunt la ceva care ma definea pentru a face loc altor lucruri mai bune.

Pentru ca nu exista lumina fara intuneric, yin fara yang, soare fara noapte si nu ai putea sti cand esti fericit, daca nu ai trecut prin perioade din care simteai ca nu mai gasesti iesirea.
Toata viata este un ciclu continuu de inceput si sfarsit.

Nu putem cunoaste extazul daca nu cunoastem agonia intai- si cu cat e agonia mai adanca, cu atat mai puternic vei putea simti extazul. Totul are un pret. Extazul se plateste prin agonie.

Pentru a te elibera de durere, trebuie sa o cunosti intai, sa treci prin ea. Nu te poti elibera de ceea ce nu cunosti.

Cuvantul care iti va schimba viata

''Daca singura rugaciune pe care o spui este Multumesc, este de ajuns.''
Meister Eckhart

Fii recunoscator pentru ceea ce nu ai....daca ai avea, ce rost ar mai avea viata fara vise?
Fii recunoscator pentru ceea ce nu stii...e o oportunitate sa inveti.
Fii recunoscator pentru toate greutatile prin care treci...doar asa vei creste.
Fii recunoscator pentru limitarile tale...ele iti dau oportunitatea sa te dezvolti.
Fii recunoscator pentru fiecare provocare...iti va construi caracterul si te va intari.
Fii recunoscator pentru greselile pe care le faci...te invata lectii valoroase.
Fii recunoscator pentru momentele cand te simti epuizat...inseamna ca ai dat tot ce puteai.

E usor sa fii recunoscator pentru lucrurile bune din viata ta...totusi, o viata plina de impliniri este data celor care au multumit pentru piedicile intalnite in drumul lor.
Recunostinta transforma ''zilele negre'' in "zile albe''.
Azi poate ti se pare greu sa spui Multumesc.